Late Friday night, my 'sexy as <ahem>' doctor came to "chat" about the surgery and the plan from here. As he suspected, there was a large tumour on my cervix. Crap, had totally hoped he'd gone in there and discovered his fingers were defective at feeling things and everything was good. But alas, I was still harvesting a lovely sized tumour in my body. Fun stuff.
He would still need the biopsy report, but he was pretty confident that it had NOT extended into the vaginal wall like he had suspected in his office, and he felt that it would be graded as a stage 2b cancer. So this was good news - can i use the word 'good' in this context? The next step would be a CT scan to confirm the tumour wasn't sneaking around my pelvic cavity, and then once all the reports were back, he would get me transferred to the city, most likely on Monday, or Tuesday.
The one thing he stressed - the symptom i had was definitely an infection. The infection was completely unrelated to the cancer. So basically this nasty gross infection has saved my life. The cancer itself - no symptoms at all. Nothing, nadda, zilch. He said if I had waited another month, it could have been a very different story. fuuuuuuuuuck........
So Saturday I woke up knowing i had a plan. I could do this. I still had a metal tasting mouth, i was still NPO waiting more tests, but I was feeling more positive about facing this. This great feeling lasted until about oh, around 8am, when my nurse for the day walked in all perky and happy to do my vitals. I kid you not - the conversation went something like.....
"Good morning! I hear you had a pretty funny night"
"Yep, so they tell me. I apologize if I said anything out of turn to you"
"No, you were fine. So lets get your vitals and then we can get you sorted for the day. You'll have your CT this morning, and hopefully be set to fly out by this afternoon"
WWWHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT???????????????????
And it was about there that I completely lost it. The thought that i was going to be sent THAT DAY before I'd had a chance to sort out my kids, my house, my car, my bills, my LIFE! I couldn't hold it together at all. I think I totally freaked out my poor nurse as i'm sitting there sobbing unable to get any words out. She asked if i needed to speak with someone - did i want to talk to the crisis counselor? ummm...talk about what? i don't even know what the hell is going on or what i'm doing, or how long i'll be gone, i don't need a bloody crisis counselor! My nurse made a fast retreat and i concentrated on getting myself back under control. I sent a text to J to let her know that they were thinking of sending me out that day, and i text the girls to get on a bus and come in NOW. I was so scared they wouldn't get there in time for me to say goodbye (and to do the last minute motherly nagging!)
In the meantime, my idiotic roommate was still bugging the sh*t out of me. She really was something else. She was rude to the staff, argumentative, and kept asking me a thousand questions about going for surgery. She had an infected finger and was going for a washout. Basic simple surgery. and she went on and on and on about how scary it was, and i'm sitting behind my curtain screaming in my head SHUT UP!! I DON'T GIVE A SH*T ABOUT YOUR HAND. I'D RATHER HAVE SURGERY THAN CANCER!!!! But i was polite as always, and tried my best to ignore her.
I finally got called for my CT - yet another experience that i now have a whole new outlook about. They told me i was going to get contrast, and i knew about the effects of this - you apparently get a warm feeling rushing through your body from head to your groin, and the warm feeling makes you feel like you've peed yourself. The CT tech explained this to me as well, so i was fully prepared.
With my arms over my head, i start being moved in and out of the donut of the CT machine. It was freaky. I had to keep my eyes closed the whole time because the flashing lights were freaking me out a little bit. I don't get claustrophobic, but the lights were not fun. So as i'm moving in and out, i'm waiting for the 'warm' feeling, and if anything is was very very mild, i felt warm in my head only, but no where else. So i don't know what the big deal is about there. Finally it was over and the tech came back in. "Ok, now its time to inject the contrast" Huh? I thought thats what just happened. No, apparently that was the preliminary scan. Ohhh...and here i was thinking the contrast wasn't so bad after all. Bugger.
She again warned me of the 'warm' feeling, and said anything i felt let her know - because i've never had anything and have no allergies, they were being cautious in case i had a reaction. So in goes the contrast....and woah!! I got an immediate rush of warmth that settled nicely in my butt. totally weird. then came crushing heart palpitations and severe shortness of breath. and anyone who has every had this, or had a panic attack would know - the more you can't breathe, the more you panic, the worse it gets. I was trying to get my words out asking if this was 'normal' or if i was having a reaction. She assured me it was part of the contrast (thanks for warning me of THAT) and thankfully it passed within a few more minutes.
The rest of the CT went relatively quickly, and it was time to head back to my room. J was waiting outside the scanning room to take me back. She had called the unit after getting my text and they told her i was just getting ready for transport, so she had rushed in. Talk about a miscommunication! No, i was waiting to be transported to CT, not edmonton! So we were still unsure about whether i was going to be heading to the city or not - no one knew where that message had come from. So i went back to my room - minus the roommate who was thankfully in surgery now - and spend more time with my girls, who took great delight in teasing me about the texts i had sent them while i was under the influence :)
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