The next morning I drove back to the city for my next round of radiation, still feeling not too bad. I can definitely handle a few weeks of this. An hour later, home snuggled on the sofa, the exhaustion hit. I was just totally shattered. And basically have not recovered. Friday night, the girls came down to stay the weekend. Again, I could barely move from the sofa. On saturday, I had promised a fun filled day of Christmas shopping (not sure what I was thinking!) and I took the girls to the mall. My day consisted of sitting around while the kids ran off to all the shops they wanted to visit. By the end of the day, I was completely shattered. But it was nice spending time with the girls all the same. Sunday I figured I would be spending lazying around 'recovering' ready for my second week of treatment.
So today, after a pretty sleepless night, I was all set to start week 2 of treatment. On the agenda today was blood work, radiation #6, and a visit with my cancer nurse. One of the things that have been drummed in right from the start is to let the nurses know every single symptom you're feeling, no matter how trivial you think it might be. I've been running a low-grade fever over the past 24 hours, not enough to worry me, but enough that I thought I should be a good patient and let the nurse know. So I was all set for my visit.
First up - blood work. The technician saw my bruise from last week and complained about how people shouldn't always go for the little veins, particularly in patients who bruise easily, and that it was just cruel to put me through all that. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she did my blood work last week. Idiot. But at least this time I got my blood work done in a nice big juicy vein, and not a hint of a bruise to show for it!
Radiation #6 was a breeze - have this down to a fine art now. Walk in, drop my pants, lie in an awkward position staring at the ceiling, and a few minutes later I'm on my way.
Cancer nurse next - finally. Now to get some answers on why I'm feeling crappy. So she asks me how I am, and I tell her all the symptoms I've been having over the past couple of days, including the low grade fever. Now here's an interesting revelation. Have you ever been on the receiving end of talking to someone who is just not listening? This would have to be one of my biggest pet peeves. If you're going to take the time to ask me a question, at least take the time to hear the bloody answer! She was so quick to get to the next question, that she really wasn't hearing what I was saying. So I had to repeat myself a lot, which was frustrating. And then she kind of dismissed everything I was saying and making me feel like I was a hypochondriac. Now I know they probably see hundreds of people coming through the doors, and I've certainly seen my fair share of 'annoying' patients who go on and on and on about all their symptoms when you know that there isn't a problem. But sitting on the other side of this - these problems are 'real' enough - while the logical part of me knows that it's probably nothing, or could be explained easily, the 'patient' part of me is scared, has no idea if this is normal, no idea if this is a side effect, a reaction, something else. Can it be treated, can it be managed, should it be ignored. I don't know. I'm not the bloody expert. I thought that's why I had to see the stupid cancer nurse! So to have it all totally fobbed off really pissed me off. She called the oncologist and told her about the fever, and she suggested it might just be a cold or flu brewing. My blood work is fine, so it's unlikely to be anything else. Well gee, that's just great, but what about all the other symptoms???? AAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
So I basically walked out no more wiser than I walked in - still feeling grotty, but now feeling very disillusioned with all of this. Oh yeah, and the kicker. When I asked for a copy of my blood work, she asked why I wanted it. I said so I had a copy for my own records. She replied, well, I don't usually let patients have a copy because they don't know what they are reading and tend to freak out for no reason. WHAT THE F*CK???? Seriously? What am I? 2? I said I was prepared to take the chance. So she went off to get a copy. Comes back and hands it to me and says very proudly "I stapled it for you". Great, good to know, thanks, you're so friggen helpful.
So all in all, it was not a great day. I'm feeling like this is the start of a very long few weeks. Tomorrow is round 2 of chemo - getting there slowly!
I love your way with words.
ReplyDeleteSharon