When I first started my radiation treatments, I would see people ring the bell, and anyone near by would clap for them. My initial reaction to this was ummmm, yeah...am so not going to be doing that. I hate being the centre of attention and I don't like making a public spectacle of myself. And really, I didn't care about 'celebrating' anything. I just wanted to get this all over and done with.
Then as the days and weeks passed, I watched more and more people ring that stupid bell. I'm not sure what changed, but I found myself focusing on the day I would get to ring that bell too. I had a goal, and I wanted my turn! So finally the day had arrived, my final radiation zap. I can't believe that only a few short weeks ago I was at the beginning of this journey, not knowing what to expect, and now I was suddenly at the "end". So like all the previous radiation sessions, I got on the table, got positioned, got my 4 blasts, and I WAS DONE!!!! I practically jumped off the table, thanked my radiation team for being so awesome, then legged it to the waiting area and rang that bell!
It was an AWESOME feeling! I was done. I got changed for the last time and headed off with my parents and brother to celebrate over lunch. I'm almost at the end of this journey - just a short stint as an inpatient to get through now!
However, as they say - what goes up must come down. So while I was feeling on top of the world for finishing my outpatient treatment plan, the ball I had been waiting to drop finally caught up with me. Here I was, on my last day of treatment, and NOW I start to feel the effects of the radiation. I was now the proud owner of not one, not two, but FOUR radiation burns. This was the one side effect I thought for sure I was going to get right from the start. I have very sensitive skin, I get sunburnt just thinking about being in the sun, so I was sure the radiation would cause skin problems pretty quickly. So I really wasn't prepared for the idea of getting burns on my LAST DAY of treatment!!!
Three of the burns weren't too bad - just itchy patches of skin at the top of my thighs near my belly. I could live with those. But that fourth burn, OMG, that was the worst burn of all. (I've since found out it was actually two separate burns, but the effect was still felt the same!) This burn was right over my bum hole. Sorry, there isn't any way to be lady-like and polite about it. It was a nasty evil burn, it had broken down and was bleeding, and it hurt. It hurt to sit, it hurt to pee, it hurt to poop, it hurt to fart. I couldn't do a thing in the bathroom without it bringing tears to my eyes. Worse yet, I had to take a bowel prep (nasty drink that cleans every last drop of poop out of your bowels - basically gives you the runs) to prepare for my internal radiation. How the hell was I going to survive *that* when I can't even fart without being in total agony???? This was not a burn I would wish upon anyone.
Foolishly, I was too embarrassed to call the cancer hotline number that had been given to me (for just such occassions), and being a typical nurse, I diagnosed myself figuring it was probably a burn, and the bleeding might be from a hemmoirroid (not that I'd even had one before, but they bleed right?) So instead of doing the 'sensible' thing and ringing the people who would know best, I went to the drug store and filled up with a pile of hemmoirroid cream, soothing bum wipes, my xylocaine gel (my new best friend), as well as the dreaded bowel prep (welcome to canada where you have to buy your own bowel prep for the bargain price of $25!). $100 later (I figured my bum was worth it) I was off home to find some relief.
Let me say - xylocaine gel is bloody awesome on a sore butt. Still can't poop without crying, but at least I can sit in comfort again!
Counting down the days until this nightmare is over, my bum is back to normal, and my life is back on track.
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