My first night as a patient

Thursday night I walked into patient registration and got myself admitted.  They had been waiting for me, so it only took a few minutes to confirm all my details. Then I walked up to the surgery unit on the second floor.  I was shown to my room, and despite being promised a single room, I had a roommate.  Thankfully the curtain was pulled, so I didn't have to talk to her. I really wasn't in a talking mood!

Then began the questions again.  It was nerve-wracking being on the other side of the bed.  I was used to asking all these questions - I had never considered what it was like for a patient to have to answer them!  What I used to considered a 'routine' question, I now found to be embarrassing and personal. Having to tell a stranger about my symptoms, my history and what was going on, was difficult. The worst feeling was that I felt ashamed.  I'm a nurse for gods sake. I tell other women to stay healthy, get regular tests etc. If any one of my friends had ever mentioned to me that they had something going on, I would never hesitate to tell them to get themselves to a doctor asap.  And here I am, sitting on a hospital bed admitting that I had kept this "hidden" for six months. 

Once the questions were out of the way, it was time to begin the steady stream of tests.  First up, my vital signs.  My blood pressure and pulse were through the roof, and no matter how much I told myself to calm down, nothing seemed to be able to relax me.  It probably wasn't helped by the constant chatter from my roommate, who told me her entire medical and surgical history within 15 minutes of me being there.  My nurse finally gave up with my blood pressure and said she would try again in a bit when I'd settled. Next was the blood tests. I think i've been tested for anything and everything.  I'm surprised i have any left after the amount of tubes they took!  I was also typed and screened in case they needed to give me a transfusion during surgery.  Another wrist band to add to my patient one.

After being poked by the needle, it was EKG time.  Now shit was starting to get real.  I was asked to change into a patient gown. I still wasn't ready to accept I was a patient and wanted to keep my clothes on.  She compromised by letting me keep my jeans on, but the rest had to go.  Now, I have done plenty of EKG's over my career.  I have never once been uncomfortable hooking a woman up to one.  I have lifted boobs out of the way without a second thought.  But to BE that boob being pushed around.....I decided the best way to deal with this was to keep my eyes closed and try to detach myself from it all.  I don't think it worked well - my pulse was at 130 bpm by this stage, and the more she told me to relax, the more panicked i felt.  Finally it was done, and I was left alone again.

No sooner had the EKG tech left the room, the old lady started chatting away again.  i'm sitting behind my curtain crying and trying not to make a sound, listening to her crap on and on about her stupid gallbladder, but too polite to say anything.  My nurse finally reappeared to take me to get xrays. Time for the jeans to go.  Now I had been turned into a real patient. <sigh>

The xray was the easiest and quickest thing done, and it was back to the unit.  I asked my nurse if there was any chance of having a room to myself, that I needed to be alone, not listen to an old lady chatter non-stop.  I was assured they were trying to work something out for me.  Once I got back to the floor, my doctor had arrived and went over what he had planned again.  He wanted me to have a CT done before surgery, either that night or first thing in the morning.  Then I would be taken to surgery for an examination under anesthetic and a biopsy, and then he would send the results to Edmonton and transfer my care.  He was 100% certain I had a cancer, it was just a matter of how advanced and whether there was any other organ involvement.

I should mention, the one thing I love about this doctor - he knows his stuff and he will tell you exactly how it is.  He won't sugar coat anything or hold back.  This is one of the reasons I chose to go to him.  So while part of me wished he could've put a more positive spin on it, or pretended it wasn't that bad, I really appreciated his honesty on what he felt was going on.

Now, just when i thought things had settled, he told the nurse to do an in/out catheter.  I was like WHAT???  For anyone who doesn't know - this involves placing a catheter into the bladder to drain out the urine so they have a clean specimen, and then they remove it. It is never fun getting a catheter, and I certainly didn't want one at all!  I begged him to reconsider - i can do a clean catch. But there was no talking him out of it.  He politely told me to suck it up, turn off the 'nurse' in me, and be the patient and accept he knows what is best for me.  Yes Sir!

So off the nurse goes to collect what she needed to do the catheter. As soon as she left the room, my roommate pipes up again.  "Are you going to be getting tests done all night?  Because I'm a real light sleeper."  OMFG!!!!!  I'm so sorry I had the bloody nerve to get cancer on THIS night and disrupt YOUR sleep!  I just ignored her - figured that would be better than yelling at her.  As my mother always said, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

So back comes the nurse with her goodies.  Oh joy.  Was honestly hoping she had forgotten.  No such luck.  So up onto the bed I go and I assumed the position. (the position is quite humiliating...just saying) As she's setting up, she tells me that there are some discharges happening, and they'll be moving me to another room soon.  Finally!  Some good news!  Then it's time to start getting my catheter....

A nurses biggest fear is getting assigned to a patient who is also a nurse.  You think that they will be critiquing your skills, or judging you.  It's pretty nerve-wracking to say the least.  I could tell my nurse was nervous - the shaking hands and fumbling gave it away. So I was chatting away - both from my own nerves of GETTING the catheter, and to try and put her at ease.  But I don't think it was working very well.  After a few nervous attempts of aiming in the completely wrong part of my anatomy, she finally hit the liquid gold and got the sample the doctor wanted.  Humiliation over.

I got cleaned up, and put my stuff together, and a few minutes later got transferred to my very own room.  Yippee!  My excitement was short lived.  Now I needed an IV to be placed and to commence on antibiotics.  Crap.  I really hate needles. And worse - they sent the newbie who was trying to get her IV starts signed off.  I actually felt sorry for her - it was pretty mean to send her to put the IV into the nurse manager. She had the shakes bad.  But she finally got it in and hooked me up to my new best friend.

Ouchie. Even a baby 22G hurt like a bugger!

 

 

My new best friend - he follows me everywhere!