However, I am blessed (knock on wood) that everything is going so well. The only major side effect I'm getting so far is just tiredness. And the fatigue is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It's worse than working three 12 hour shifts in a row. I find that I just crash at the weirdest times - I'll be going along fine, and then hit that magical brick wall and I'm done. So I tend to spend a lot of time on the sofa just sitting. But the rest of it is just a breeze. When I see all these other people in the clinic that are all washed out, pale, sick looking - I feel a bit like a fraud really.
Now chemo - wow, thats a whole other story. I hate chemo. It is the worst 4 hours of my week. (yeah yeah, I know - suck it up princess!) Chemo *should* be relatively easy. You go in, they stick an IV into your arm, spend an hour getting loaded with fluids and steriods, an hour getting the nasty chemo mixed with a drug to make you pee (can't let the chemo wreck my kidneys!) and then an hour loading more fluids in to flush the kidneys. Easy peasy.
Not so easy it would seem. Apparently I have 'terrible' veins. This is nurse speak for "oops, i missed...again". I know my veins are fine. I've had many nursing students practice on me over the years, and apart from a few nervous newbies, they never miss. I have lovely veins. I'm healthy, young (and very well hydrated!). The first week of being told how bad my veins are was depressing. I have an arm covered in bruises and facing 5 weeks of this torture. But after I got over my initial 'oh woe is me' moment, I started to watch the nurses a bit more closely. Then this week, same thing, difficult getting an IV started, blame my veins, blah blah blah. But as I watched, they missed every single patient. These nurses work in a chemo unit where they start countless IV's on a daily basis, but their technique basicall sucks. They should not be missing as many IV's as they do. And then to blame the PATIENT for having 'bad veins', that just sucks.
I don't mean to come down hard on my fellow colleagues. Everyone has a bad day. I've missed my fair share of IV starts. Everyone has. But I never ever blame a patient for MY miss (except that occassional annoying one who pulls their arm away just as you get it in....) and I never blame their quality of vein for my success or failure of an IV start. But it irritates me no end to see these nurses do just that. A patient can't control their veins, especially some of these older patients who look like they've been through a few rounds of hell. Why make them feel worse than they already do?
And while I'm having a moan and a groan.... My chemo nurse this week was a real treat. She looked like someone fresh out of the pages of a nursing school brochure. Very pretty, makeup perfect, hair perfect, nails perfect...you get the idea. Hang on....Nails? Oh yes, very pretty ACRYLIC nails!! Holy moly, I really wanted to say something!! Worst infection control risk ever in a high risk environment with neutropenic patients??? You've got to be kidding me! And her bedside manner - well, after bitching about my veins, bitching about my pump that kept beeping (yeah, like that was my fault too) and then getting antsy because her time management was a bit out (an hour late getting my infusion started) so she was forced to stay back until I was finished, I could tell I wasn't going to get any warm fuzzies from her! She would ask a question but walk away before I would answer - made me feel very listened to. <eye roll> A patient in another chair had a reaction to her chemo, and the nurse got annoyed that she had to give benedryl and now the patient would be there longer, and it was all so inconvenient. You see a lot in the 4 hours sitting there watching all the comings and goings, and how some of the staff interact with their patients. I honestly would have thought that an oncology nurse would be more compassionate, but I'm seeing quite a few that seem to be there for a lack of a job anywhere else more 'fun'.
Anyway, thats my little bit of rambling for the day. I only have 3 more chemo sessions to get through - hopefully I'll get someone next week who will be fantastic and restore my faith in the system. On the other hand - my radiation team are awesome. They're very chatty, always have a laugh with me, and help me forget that I'm lying there pretty much naked on a daily basis. And I tell you, that little bit of humour and individual attention makes all the difference. Speaking of which - time to go get blast #10!
You are so right - when you sit and watch the nurses while you are there for 3-4 hours. Dad and I certainly had our favourites. Some just actually didn't give a toss and others were just brilliant.
ReplyDeleteSharon